In my previous blog, I talked about helping a friend expose an anomaly in the neighborhood organization that my friend and I both belong to. The anomaly revolved around a contract worth hundreds of thousands of money members of the community have contributed.
In helping my friend write his expose I was also learning more about the circumstances around the shadowy contract. I saw the sleight of hand, the smokes and mirrors, the manipulation. I was incensed at how officers of the organization not only betrayed the trust of the many but also put the organization at risk for legal liability. I was furious.
In my rage, I sent a message to one of the perpetrators. I castigated her. I was sarcastic. I was mean.
"For somebody so brilliant, so knowledgeable, so in control, how could you do something so stupid," I said.
I even became somewhat physical when I ended my message with this: "Do yourself a favor and give your manipulators a crisp. hard, resounding smack on the face."
But the satisfaction I felt was only temporary. I was bothered by what I wrote. I was not in a state of love. The "Shadow" had claimed me just as it did the perpetrators of the anomaly. I was horrified at how I was being corrupted.
As I write this, I try to see with love. It is difficult and I am still trying, aware that this is a case of the rubber meeting the road. If I claim love, I must be in love. A shift in my heart requires a corresponding mind shift.
"She is only a victim," I tell myself.
While I do not condone what she did and still believe that she has to come to terms with the gravity of what she has done, if I shut the door on her I am only a "resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."
Posted with Aloha
- By ARIEL MURPHY
In helping my friend write his expose I was also learning more about the circumstances around the shadowy contract. I saw the sleight of hand, the smokes and mirrors, the manipulation. I was incensed at how officers of the organization not only betrayed the trust of the many but also put the organization at risk for legal liability. I was furious.
In my rage, I sent a message to one of the perpetrators. I castigated her. I was sarcastic. I was mean.
"For somebody so brilliant, so knowledgeable, so in control, how could you do something so stupid," I said.
I even became somewhat physical when I ended my message with this: "Do yourself a favor and give your manipulators a crisp. hard, resounding smack on the face."
But the satisfaction I felt was only temporary. I was bothered by what I wrote. I was not in a state of love. The "Shadow" had claimed me just as it did the perpetrators of the anomaly. I was horrified at how I was being corrupted.
As I write this, I try to see with love. It is difficult and I am still trying, aware that this is a case of the rubber meeting the road. If I claim love, I must be in love. A shift in my heart requires a corresponding mind shift.
"She is only a victim," I tell myself.
While I do not condone what she did and still believe that she has to come to terms with the gravity of what she has done, if I shut the door on her I am only a "resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."
Posted with Aloha
- By ARIEL MURPHY
Thank you for bringing the light!
ReplyDeleteThere are times when venting our anger feels so good. Time when it seems that someone needs a resounding wake up call. While the wake up calls probably are necessary - there far better done without the anger. We all slip down that slope on occasion. I commend you for recognizing it and vowing to try to avoid that slope.
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