Various species look for a mate
in distinctive ways. Frogs
sing. Peacocks fan their feathers. Squids do a "circling dance." Some
insects like moths release an odor
called pheromones to attract males from a distance.
We humans, on the other hand, have
recently started to go on line. Surveys
show that the number of those seeking potential partners through friends has
dropped from nearly 40% in the mid 1980s to less than 30% in 2010 while those
who went on line rose to about 20% from the mid 1990s to 2010 -- providing the
cyber dating industry a mind-boggling 40 million users and an annual revenue of
$2.1 billion in 2012.
I totally understand the
internet's attractions for attracting. Unless one has the misfortune of being a
scammer's victim, cyberspace is safer than picking up partners in bars. It expands
the playing field by increasing the number of potential choices. And assuming
one has search criteria, dating websites offer more control in focusing and
narrowing the hunt. If a client of mine
had joined a dating website she need not have relocated to the mainland
"because the dating scene in Hilo
sucks."
Unfortunately the very same
advantages offered by online dating are also its disadvantages. Its safety
shield bars the detection of body language which may or may not be consistent
with what a potential mate verbalizes. The wide array of choices makes replacement
easy and weakens commitment. And with the
focus on "commonalities" as a measure of compatibility one misses out
on the beauty of "complementarity." After all where would harmony be if everyone sings the same note?
Yes I had joined a dating
website. And had been surprised by its so-far pleasantly unexpected
results. My final "choice" did not meet 3 of my search
criteria. I didn't meet some of his.
The clincher? The opening gambits on our website profiles.
Mine was "I shower everyday."
His was "I am toilet trained."
The clincher? The opening gambits on our website profiles.
Mine was "I shower everyday."
His was "I am toilet trained."
- Ariel Murphy
No comments:
Post a Comment